Escaping the Negative Ego Matrix

A Reminder that Change Starts Within

5/25/20203 min read

Earth with clouds above the African continent
Earth with clouds above the African continent

I wrote this essay after some deep moments in meditation where everything clicked, and I could feel the oneness and seamlessness between the inner and outer worlds. This is an exploration of that timeless spiritual paradox and how to experiment with it to change your life for the better.

Life is a gift, and to deeply receive it is to see that it's like The Matrix. We are all Neo, and Smith is the unconscious force of the negative ego, using all of our self-perceived limitations to control and ultimately destroy us.

The ego is an unconscious part of oneself that has one job in life, which is simply to relay sensory information to the conscious mind, without extraneous interpretation. The ego has that one job, and as long as we have a physical body, we will need it to function. Talk of "killing the ego" or "ego death" is an exaggeration - the goal is more like quieting the ego to an appropriate volume and healing the memories, beliefs, and attitudes that it uses to prevent you from realizing your full potential.

The negative ego forms over the course of one's life during moments and emotions that overwhelm the conscious mind. In these stressful and traumatic moments, the ego is left to process the experience and put it into context. As these painful unresolved memories accumulate, the negative ego starts to take the wheel: it's a pattern-matching machine, always looking for the worst-case, most painful scenarios. Unresolved experiences create an autopilot mode within one's consciousness that is skewed by (the avoidance of) pain and fear. And sometimes, those fears become self-fulfilling prophecies when the negative ego uses its distorted frame to interpret a situation in a way that drives impulsive and unconscious action, which in turn can cause the fear to come true.

The first movie ends with Neo's awakening - recognizing that he's not the negative ego keeping him small, and choosing to take more responsibility for his thoughts, actions, and ultimately his whole world. He learns that whatever Smith uses to demoralize him can be processed and overcome by remembering that the Matrix is a temporary illusion. Smith's endless taunts and attacks are attempts to use Neo's past beliefs and concepts about reality against him. Layer by layer, Neo sets himself free.

The third movie culminates in Neo's demonstration of a deeper understanding of how to work with reality. For Neo, working with the machines to beat Smith and create peace is an action that stems from a sense of oneness with his reality, both the positive and negative aspects. He accepts that the machines (our problems) are humanity's collective creations, and is thus free to achieve a win-win solution that would have otherwise been inconceivable.

At each step in the journey, Neo learns to take more and more responsibility for his entire experience. No previous thought, feeling, or experience can make him give up. Responsibility isn’t a burden: it’s simply the ability to respond, internally and externally. In that sense, response-ability is actually freedom, the freedom to overcome obstacles and stay true to one's intention. The more responsibility we exercise in cleaning up our own subconscious and unconscious programming, the more free we become.

Einstein says "the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." We are navigating an infinite horizon, but the memories of the past live within our bodies as if they were still here today. We can change our lives by refining the filters of our thoughts and feelings, decisions and choices, and beliefs and attitudes. Don't take my word for it. Experiment for yourself by bringing awareness to patterns in your inner life and watching for the changes in your outer world.

To get with the experience of oneness is to not only realize that the observer and the observed are one, but to learn that the inherent power of each observer. The future is more pliable than the negative ego would have us believe.

Looking at the chaos and confusion and pain in the world from a place of oneness, I can only take that as a signal that part of my own unconscious, subconscious (and sometimes conscious) mind that needs to change in order to move into the future of our dreams. It seems as if we are living through a collective shadow purge, creating a space for a more loving future. The qualities of being there are the steps to getting there, which is another way to say that living our values will bring us closer to our dreams and living our worst tendencies will bring us closer to nightmares.

The high side of the corona virus (SARS 2) is that it’s an alarm bell within the Matrix like I've never seen, one that can push us to claim our innate power and realize our fullest potential. Don't live on autopilot. Don't believe your negative ego, or anyone else's. Think for yourself, because no one else will.

Have gratitude for what you want more of, forgiveness for what you want less of, and the courage to be vulnerably honest.​